10 Of My Greatest Lessons From 2023 (FREE TO READ)
Oooooph, it was a big one, you ready for it?
They say the hardest initiations in life lead to the greatest gems of wisdom.
Well, I don’t know who says this.
But now, I do.
As I know it to be true.
The cuts make you stronger.
The bruises are stories to tell.
I’m a diamond that’s been forged under the heat of Saturn’s return. (My Saturn Return ended earlier this year!)
I’m a humble human with courage, who’s been stripped down from ego’s gains.
Whether it was the crucible of a new love… and all the ways I needed to surrender my control and wrap warmth around my wounds…
Or the journey of a body expressing symptoms, with no definitive diagnosis… learning to trust the wisdom of sensation…
Or “getting cancelled” as they like to call it…
I’ve learned enough lessons this year for us all.
And when I say learned, what I really mean is… All of these lessons have been anchored into my DNA.
How would I know? How would you know?
A lesson REALLY LANDS when you no longer get reactive, triggered, or have any intense response to the stimuli in front of you, the way you used to.
For example, if your mom telling you to get a real job still makes you mad AF, I don’t think you’ve learned the lesson that peoples reactions to you says more about them than it does you.
All the lessons in this article have come from completing spiritual assignments so to speak.
Appreciation is ringing up my spine for each one.
So, let’s dive in… This year, I’ve learned:
If you’re not 100% in, you’re 100% out.
All year, I played one foot in with my work in the world. Burnt out, needing a break, desiring to take on more of my mother archetype, not wanting to take on more than I could chew… it was what I needed. But as the months rolled by, and my 6 figure months dropped way down, I realized that God wasn’t going to give me my assignments, inspire my purpose, and encourage my growth as a giver of wisdom… if I was only half there. Nope, God said no. It’s not that I need to be on 8 hours a day or hustle… we’re way past that stage. But I still need to give it 100% of my attention, heart, and service. No escaping that. It’s so funny, because I’ve taught this to my clients since the beginning. You can’t have a back door of “but what about this” or else what you’re focusing on won’t have the power anymore. But after 8 years in business, I needed to learn it all over again. This Substack is a reclamation of my 2 feet in.
My boo and I… we’ve been devoted since day 1. We embody our greatness, we call each other forward, we stay when shit gets hard, we play full out. And… we were for awhile hanging on a thread of “this is great, let’s just see where it goes!”, which served us really well at the beginning. I know so many people who jump into “you’re my person” too quickly, and end up wildly disappointed and in the same old stories as the last. So, we started by following “this feels really good”… without getting too future-oriented in it. But at a certain point, the future couldn’t help but creep up. And as we had the conversations and addressed the fear at the root of a deeper devotion, everything changed. By being 100% in, and releasing the grip on any back door… our love legit exploded in the most magical way. It’s so amazing what happens when we get clear in our core, and then let our life realign to that state of clarity.
It’s not about you, and it never has been.
This year, one of the main blocks I faced in creating… was realizing that I reallllyyyyy don’t want my work to be ABOUT ME! So much of marketing online can be so self-centered… and I started to become allergic to it. So, I stopped all together. (You probably would have never even realized because somehow I made it out to create even while a deep metamorphosis was happening inside.) But stopping my creation obviously wasn’t the best route for my service oriented heart. When I brought this to my therapist and coach, we landed on this: I don’t have to know how to do it from a place that’s not about me right now… but just ask God, and focus on this intention, and let it create itself. And it did.
I think it can be really hard to separate yourself from your business if your business is under your name. And it’s doable, with enough centering, enough God, and enough coming home to the desire and need to serve other.
Growing through one of my darkest nights of the soul moments taught me that life brings hard lessons for something so much greater. We go through it not for ourselves, but for the Warrioress that will bring the lessons back to the tirbe. It’s not personal. God’s just got a huge plan.
Denying intuition creates subtle or great unease.
Our souls are always communicating to us, through the small things. What’s tricky is learning to decipher what’s intuition and what’s ego… and that will take you on a journey. The funny thing is… no matter where the voice is coming from… it matters. Let me give you an example. For awhile, I was getting all of these signs and intuitive hits that was telling me… “Maybe this relationship isn’t really the one” It’s honestly so hard to even write or say that from this vantage point because it’s so done and done. But yeah. It was happening. And I was so scared. Turns out, the voice WAS ego… the WAY in which the message was being delivered. But there was still some intuition and truth inside. Ego said, “maybe this isn’t right.” Intuition and soul was trying to say… “There’s something in the dynamic that’s wanting to find resonance.” That’s all! When I finally confronted it full on with my man and our support systems… and no longer numbed it… the alchemy was downright fucking amazing. This is when we realized that he hadn’t claimed me 100% of the way… into the future. By not listening to my intuition for so long, I sat in the sensation of the fear of completion. By bringing it to the center with love and care… it guided us both home to each other. Big wow.
Intuition can be the hardest to trust for those of us who grew up in families that were going through some major shit but on the outside pretended that everything was okay. Because if you were feeling that SOMETHING IS NOT OKAY but everything was moving forward like usual, you may deny and repress your own voice to side with the family.
It can also be super hard to trust your intuition when you’ve been cheated on (like I have, in my first relationship- which really codes you for the relationships in the future)
The journey of unease, to intuition, to clarity is my vocation in Gene Keys and this one locked in like woah this year.
Entering into a physical sensation + asking the right questions frees its grip on you.
When you’re afraid of physical pain, it can’t talk to you. And I know this one big time. I’ve been on a healing journey for awhile… and pain has historically been a big trigger for me. To drop my embodiment, to give up, to run away, to try and find the solution… you name it. Anything besides.. feeling it.
But this year, as I completed my somatic tantra training and learned to use breath, sound, and movement to get the core of anything… and as I’ve really recognized (from German New Medicine) that every symptom my body has is telling a story and healing the complex at the root of the story is the way… I’ve started to go into every sensation and ask the hard questions.
I haven’t been successful every single time (like when the pain is really acute)- but I have seen things like a tore ligament heal in a day and a bloated tummy exhale all the air out… by going IN rather than away. And these moments have locked it in for life. I am not my body, I am not my sensation, it is impermanent, therefore… I can penetrate through it to the other side. And so can you.
The masculine needs silence, the feminine needs intimacy- in set time.
Allan and I are together a lot. We both work from home most days, we facilitate and teach together, we love to eat dinners together, etc. And… none of this time to my deep feminine counts for intimacy because it’s not the deepest place we can be. Once we started to put set times for intimacy in our daily calendars, oh my goodness.. my root dropped into the relationship so deeply. We’ve played with daily 1 hour polarity practice time (which is an amalgamation of all the polarity embodiment work we teach), sex dates, and everything in-between. What we’ve landed on is that most days, prioritizing deep intimate time serves both of our hearts and both of our purposes.
After we landed that, the masculine was next. We started to have silent days at home, based on the recommendation from a soul family couple Aurika and Kevin. And these days just kicked everything online in the best of ways. They deepen the polarity, they expand the desire, they reawaken respect for each other, and really it’s just such great devoted time to ourselves! I find myself so much more focused on my work on these days, and Allan comes into the hottest place inside himself. Win win.
We all need intimacy with other and intimacy with self. In big ways, every day… some days more than others.
You can scream, sound, shake, and move almost anything to its completion point… if you’re brave enough.
Somatic healing saved me, this year.
I’ve sat, rolled around, and belted out in my feminine practice space more this year than ever.
And in that, I’ve completed some of my most brutal lessons.
By feeling it all.
Note: my feminine practice space used to be in our little home gym and then I said NO and that I neeeeeeed, for myself and for our union, I need a space that’s just for me. That was so fucking huge and good for us. I believe every woman needs her own little nook for the such.
A man will never satisfy your soul craving for The Divine.
Most women are taught the fairytale lie. That ‘the one’ comes into your life, and then suddenly everything is perfect. Your longing… gone. Your desires… fulfilled. Your wounds… healed. Wouldn’t it be nice!!!!!
I do believe that the right person for you will lock in during the honeymoon phase as a kind of proxy to God… aka through them, you do see the possibility, potential, and even get to experience what it’s like to live without all the wounds. Because you are on best behavior, and because your partner is too, and because the chemicals are at play, and because hopefully the person you attract is actually fulfilling and loving you well… you might forget what it’s like to not have everything at your fingertips. It’s beautiful.
But as you deepen, the technology of relationship works you… and you start to witness all of the old patterns creep in again. Maybe you relate to them differently (because the more you heal/grow… the less they have a grip on you)… and yet they are there.
And as you deepen down the feminine spiritual path… even if the sex is the best fucking thing you’ve ever had… you’ll still want more (tell me I’m not alone haha) … its because its the nature of the feminine. To long. To welcome into her. To open so she can receive. It’s the physiology of the womb and it’s the nature of being a woman. And yet, if we still think our man is going to be that proxy god… and fulfill it all.. we are living in an illusion and putting a fuck lot of pressure on him.
No matter the longing or the wound.. your man isn’t there to solve it.
He actually WILL… when you surrender it open to the divine. Because by listening to the longing or feeling the wound, and giving it up to God, you take the pressure off of him, and in that kind of an energy, his King wants nothing more than to erect himself and provide for you. The way finds a way.
You don’t have to choose between living your purpose and embodying the feminine.
Note to self ;)
The key here is to live your purpose without getting swept up in the mass culture of growth, success, and social media.
I needed to learn how to balance a day… how to give my purpose, support my clients, and also bake muffins on a Tuesday afternoon and cook all meals homemade just because that’s what felt good.
All of it is possible, but not at the speed of the collective. You have to find your own pace.
Where there is attachment to changing a person, there is a lack of authenticity with that person.
When most of us were young, we learned that in order to get the love we wanted and needed… we had to bypass our truths. For example: Let’s say you really wanted affection and touch when you were feeling emotional, but your primary caretakers didn’t know how to read that desire of yours and you (rightly so) didn’t know how to ask for it. Scene goes: you’re feeling the feels and your parents send you to your room. You want them to love you and you also need to respect them so you go. Over time, you bypass your own need for affection for the perceived affection of doing what they say. These kinds of patterns ripple on in our lives again and again- stemming from our childhood- until we learn to bring our authenticity to a moment.
If you’re wanting to change your partner, your parents, or anyone around you… your behavior around them is going to stem from attachment to an outcome… rather than the authenticity of your needs and desires now.
This year I’ve learned that in order to be absolutely me with my parents and with my man, I need to release any and all attachment to them being any different than they are. By doing so, my energy around them is actually sovereign. I can think for myself and request anything I need… without negatively impacting the space.
Surrender to the moment, without bypassing feelings. This is the ultimate feminine spiritual path.
There were so many times this year that I had no idea what the fuck was happening. I didn’t know which way to turn. Where to focus my energy. What to create. How to give… It was a big swirl of confusion at times, but there is a gift in confusion. No good decisions are actually made from that place… so the only thing one can do is surrender to FEEL the way things really are… and trust that by feeling whatever is there… it will take you to where you need to go. Fuck, how many times I’ve watched myself in that, this year. (Note: when you make surrender your word of the year… life listens)
The key in surrender is not to become complicit. Actually surrender is the opposite. If you think surrender is just “letting it be the way it is” you are awfully mistaken. Surrender requires the courage to stop running away from the way things are and instead feel them in their totality… yep you heard me, without running away. This is big work. And the most powerful thing a woman can do.
How’s that for a generous year of lessons?
I’m more than grateful.
Completing this year feels nothing short of a miracle, because it wasn’t an easy one.
But on the other side, we’ve got integrity, loyalty, devotion, clarity, and peace.
We’ve got a clear sight into what’s coming for 2024.
And it’s really fucking delicious.
Speaking of…
I want to share the ways you can be a YES to being in my field for 2024 right now.
First of all, if you’re not a paid subscriber… I want to invite you in to the Substack family. You can read more right here about why I believe in and value a paid subscription. Before January 1, the price to join is $8/month. After, it’ll be $9/month to join. Once inside, you get 2 emails a week with stories, articles, and threads to support your life in relationship, sex, and purpose. As a free subscriber, you get occasional emails like this, but it’s more rare.
And then… ya’ll are getting the memo first! Allan and I are opening a membership!!! It’s called Love & Truth and it’s going to be yummy AF. Think: 3x monthly (LIVE) calls with us on Zoom. A thriving community of lovers and leaders devoted to living a life of pleasure + peace. A Telegram space for audio trainings and connection. We’re not officially launching it for another few weeks… but… the first 50 people inside get a super special price, and there’s already 12 spots taken! So, I want to give you… my Substack community… the opportunity. It’s $65/month for the first 50 people inside, and then it’ll rise to $85/month after those spaces fill up (and they will). You can join early-bird right here.
Last but not least, I want to take a moment before signing off to let you know how much I appreciate you for being here.
It’s clear to me that there’s a lot of noise on the internet, so I don’t take your choice of rooms lightly.
My intention is to make it wildly worthwhile.
XO